"What is this, Monopoly Money"
The Street Satire Newsletter.11
Welcome back to the Street Satire Newsletter.
This week, Scotia Bank finally fixed its technical issue of giving its customers the Canadian Dollar and video game actors went on strike.
Also, if you remember the previous newsletter, I jokingly said that Southwest was moving away from its chaotic group seating. Well, look what happened this week.
Enjoy this week’s letter.
Sorrey about that! Scotia Bank Resolves Technical Issue where it gave its Account Holders CAD
Scotia Bank announced Friday that it has resolved its technical issue where it was distributing its account holders the Canadian Dollar. This issue has plagued the bank for decades on end, where a customer would go to make a withdrawal from their account, only to find Canadian dollars in their hands.
Dissatisfied reviews have flooded the bank because of this error, as customers have called out and complained that they want to be issued currency that is not only actual legal tender, but also respected at retailers, not laughed at.
As if the cutesie colors of the bills weren’t bad enough, the country that the bank is in partnership with took it one step further and distributed Chuck E. Cheese-esq tokens to denominate one and two-dollar amounts. That’s right, the bank was actually distributing two dollars on a frequent basis, as if it was everyone’s grandmother on Easter Sunday.
Canada’s fifth largest bank made the announcement of its transition to the USD at its Q2 town hall Friday, alongside a walk-through of how the new ATMs will work. According to the actress from the demonstration, Michael Cera, you will receive United States dollar bills through the dollar slot and only cents under one dollar will exit the coin slot of the machine.
At the close of the demonstration it was noted that there will not be distributing two dollar bills from the ATM - you will have to use two dollar bills in its place. Is that clear?
Somehow Not Satire
Crowdstrike accidently moved a bug to production that stopped air travel and Microsoft Teams meetings early this past week, and to make up for it, gave out $10 Uber Eats gift cards (read more)
There is a real-life court case in dispute of who invented the Flamin Hot Cheeto. I hope Satoshi Nakamoto is up next (read more)
Republican Vice Presidential candidate JD Vance is running against claims that he “f*cked a couch” (read more)
Anything Else?
Meta has announced it has deleted over 60k accounts in an attempt to find the Nigerian prince who emailed them two weeks ago (read more)
“We’re not playing games” Video game actor unironically exclaims at the announcement of the video game actors strike (read more)
Merger between grocery giants is put on hold due to disagreement over to-be combined entity name “King Alberts Son” (read more)
