Santa Claus looks extra comfy this year
This week we dive into Lululemon's new product launch that is sure to be on everyone's Christmas list
Lululemon launches New Product just in time for the Holidays
We all want to look good. That’s a simple fact of life, regardless of race, religion, age, or occupation. But we also want to be comfortable. Lululemon, more than any other company, has mastered that goal and turned it into a multibillion-dollar business… which is why it should come as no surprise to anyone that they’ve released a new product: holiday pants.
Holiday pants are exactly as they sound: pants for the holidays, ie the occasions that you want to look good for around family gatherings, but be comfortable, too. The stretch-khaki-esk material allows you to expand the waistline for the months that you overindulge, and then bring the waistline back in (optimistic) for when (if) you shed that holiday weight. It’s essentially the same as unbuttoning your pants at the table, but without the shame that comes with getting kicked out of Olive Garden during family dinner.
While they do retail at a fairly steep price of $115 a pair, it’s certainly cheaper than the ER visits that you’ve had to pay the last two years from Nana getting shot in the eye from a button that’s been fired from Uncle Tim’s trousers. And without that annoying three-hour round trip, you can focus on what’s truly important this time of year: arguing with your family about politics at dinnertime.
But is anyone actually buying these?
In short, yes. Black Friday deals, which due to the decaying values of our capitalistic society started on the first of November this year, have resulted in Lululemon already totaling $5M in sales for this new product. And with still over a fortnight to go before Kris Kringle comes to town, it’s possible that at least one house on the block this year will have overstuffed guests all over town asking: “Where can I get a pair of those pants?”
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Satire Snippets
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None of this news is real, besides of course the news that’s indicated as ‘somehow real news’. Nothing is meant to hurt or harm the companies or individuals mentioned. Again, I repeat, this is all satire.